As I look back over the past several months, I cannot believe that I have been here for a little over 9 months. Has it really been that long and yet, has it only been 9 months? Many have wondered how my transition has been going. I can say that it has been difficult and beautiful, heart wrenching and joyous all at the same time.I am not done with my transition. I know I have many more weeks and even months to work things out and to start to feel like Colorado is still my home.
Where has God been in all of this? Right by my side. Even as I have not felt anything but confusion and frustration and emptiness, He has been right here, faithful, loving, patient, kind and understanding. I have not been able to “feel” His presence as I did in Poland, yet He has never left. Even during these times of emptiness, I know that the it is part of my transition and just the natural rhythm of things. How have I coped?
I can tell you that in God’s great mercy and love, He brought me to a group of peers who have embraced me and loved me and have helped me through this time. They understand my emptiness and have encouraged me to dig deep in my faith and follow Him no matter what. They have been God’s “hands” and “feet” to me and I am so ever grateful!
Easter was last week. It was strange. I felt strange. Christmas was not strange for me due to the fact that I come home during Christmas most years. It is still an “American” culture holiday to me. Easter was different though. It was foreign to me and that was confusing and even empty. I did not know some of the songs and even though it was in my native language, it was foreign. I looked over at my friend who is also going through transition and we shared a look of “I am so glad you understand how I am feeling!” My emotions were swirling and as much as I wanted to feel happy for Jesus’ resurrection, all I could do was cry out to God and ask for His Grace. And He met me. It was a small voice, but He was there.
I have joined a “read through the Bible in a year” study, just to make sure that I will stay reading my bible. Several weeks ago as we were readying, one of my favorite verses reminded me God’s presence with Moses words to Joshua and Israel as they were getting ready to enter the Promise Land, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deut. 31) I am taking this verse to heart.
I will keep you unto date as I continue this new journey . . .