This week is Josiah Venture’s fall leadership conference. The theme this year is “RADIATE”, burning hot for God! I miss this, not having 240 leaders from 12 nations surrounding me, as we both learn how to follow Jesus in a deeper way and then to lead others in the same journey. I love walking along side others, learning how to both deepen my own life as well as encouraging others to do the same.
I got a message this morning from my dear friend Kim who serves in the Czech republic. I always look forward to fall conference because we always get to have some time together to talk, vent and encourage as well as challenge each other. As this week is the fall Leadership conference, something inside me is missing.
Here is my answer to: “Wondering how you are doing.”
I am feeling not being there! My disciple, Gosia is there and I had always dreamed that we would go to fall conference together. It is not to be though.
It is so strange to be here [Denver] knowing that I am not coming back to Poland and yet feeling like I am only on home assignment. I am starting to allow myself to dream and to look at what God may have for me in the future, but I will be honest, it is difficult to dream when you have done your dream job for 7 years and then you walk away. So, now my new prayer is that I will dream a second dream and see where God takes me. I am not hearing God right now. He is in a neutral place right now. Not active (that I can tell) but also not silent. My very good friend tells me that this is where we need to just get into the basics of the vertical relationship. It is difficult for me right now since I am being bombarded by so much here. My discipline has completely gone out the window and now that I realize it, I am trying to claim it back. All of this is very normal, I know and understand. I wanted to live through and not just survive through this time, so I am. I miss Poland and JV so much and yet, I KNOW this is where God wants me. I have joined a small group in my church and we meet each Tuesday for prayer and Bible study. This is VERY good for me. It is with some people who have known me for 15 years + and they asked me to join! I feel so wanted and loved here! I know there will be tougher times ahead, but I am confident in the One first sent me to Poland and who now called me back home.
Wow! As I re-read this, my heart is both breaking and rejoicing in how God has been so faithful to me even as I struggle with being faithful to Him! I am so glad that it is HE who is moving me, because I am not doing a good job in my own strength!